As a teacher i literally hide from my students when i see them in public

I didn't understand why my dog was licking my belly and sleeping near it instead of near my feet (as usual). Turns out he knew I was pregnant before I did.

back when i was 9 and broke my wrist my dad said "is there blood? no? youre fine"... Thanks dad...

i lie about my age to all my online friends. I have only told one friend my real age and dont have the balls to tell the rest. Its just a thing i did when I was younger but i cant get out of it anymore because now itd be embarassing if they found out i had been lying for years...

I hate kissing my boyfriend, he doesn't brush his teeth and his breath stinks so bad. Not sure how to tell him :/

When I was on my period I cried when the Chinese food delivery took too long...

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

sometimes i do literally no work all day then pretend i did and then catch up over the weekend...

When my boyfriend clips his nails he doesn't even do it over the trash can. He does it out in the open and they get all over the place...

I once had a friend visiting me and staying over at my place. Turns out she talks during her sleep and this one time she just yelled out "I SAID HOLD THE F***ING MAYO!"